Its time to talk about sports and sports analysis. I love sports and more specifically football. I love watching college the most but pro definitely has a place in my heart. At the beginning of the season they always have Lou Holtz give his predictions for the year and then they frequently have him on ESPN to do followups and other predictions. Now i am totally fine with having a qualified individual such as Lou Holtz to come on and give his two cents, unfortunately i can't understand a damn word that guy says. I mean in the entire world of college football we can't find someone who can swallow their saliva and make a coherent sentence, really? I respect his pedigree chart, but ESPN needs to pull their heads out and find someone who isn't so incredibly Notre Dame bias and who can actually make an educated statement. Now if you haven't heard Lou Holtz speak just imagine a sloth on speed that is trying to hold jello in his cheeks. Not only is it not understandable, but it's disgusting to watch. I'm just waiting for his fixodent to wear off and to watch those dentures come flying out. Now on to the next topic that just drives me wild. I understand that we are trying as a society to be more versatile in who we hire and who we have represent our companies. But do we really need to have women commentators on the sidelines at all of our football games that have no idea what's going on. They sit there with the best seats in the house and have someone feeding them lines, and it must be a dream come true to all of these white women (except one who works for ABC) to be around a whole bunch of big muscular black guys. Okay so i'm a little jealous, but i think that there is a simple remedy for this entire situation. I think ESPN should hire me to be the announcer for every college female volleyball game. I played a little volleyball in high school so my resume is way more versatile than any of the women commentating for football games. I think that it is only fair that i at least get a shot to announce, i mean if we are trying to fair and more gender conscious i want my chance. I now await the answer from ESPN.

Women

This blog is mainly for my venting purposes, but if anyone has any comments or suggestions please feel free, just know that odds are i will not respond to any ridiculous comments. So for today i thought i would talk about how little i actually know or understand women. I have not the slightest clue what women want, mainly because they all say that they want someone who is sweet, caring, devoted, has goals, reliable, faithful to whatever religion they believe in, loving, masculine and nice. Lies. These are all good qualities, but the incredible thing is girls don't actually want someone like this. They say they want these things so that society wont judge them, because deep down girls want someone who is edgy, doesn't follow the rules, mysterious and has a deep dark secret. Now you may ask, why do women look for men like this? It seems that if they dated someone like i described that there would be huge problems in the relationship. Well let me explain. Women are looking for excitment, someone to push the envelope and do something dangerous so that they can feel alive. The reason that they want someone who has a secret or is mysterious is so that they can try and "fix" them. Women believe that if they help repair someone that that person will somehow be endeared to them. What a bunch of bull shit. Now the reason i have come to this conclusion is because i recently dated someone who said that i was the "nicest guy" she had ever dated, that i treated her better than anyone else she had been with. She then preceeded to to tell me that "nice guys finish last." Yeah that's right, these are the reasons she gave me for breaking up. I have had some time to think about this and have decided that these weren't the real reasons, but that this girl didn't find anything mysterious about me, because i am a person who says what i think and i tend to wear my emotions right out on my sleeve. I later found out that this girl had dated someone for a 1 and 1/2 years, and that the guy she was dating had some pretty serious problems, but she stayed with him and tried to help him. What the hell is the matter with girls, they would rather waste a couple of years trying to fix someone rather than spend time with someone who is pretty grounded and fairly normal. Now i'm not going to get carried away, we all have problems and imperfections that we could all work on. But my question is this, why do girls want problems in their relationships? Less than 50% of marriages work out, and i believe part of the problem is that women are attracted to guys who already have problems. Listen if you are going to get involved with someone who has a serious problem and keeps it a secret or acts mysterious, you have got to be the most retarded person ever. You know what, i could rebuke women everywhere and tell them to open their eyes and look for the nice guys that will be there for them when they need it, but that won't do any good because women will continue to say they are looking for a guy that i described in the beginning. However nice guys will continue to finish last so what i've decided is to start drinking large amounts of alcohol and smoke a ton of weed so that some girl can find me and try to "fix" me. I'll make sure that they have some real problems to take care of.

PDA

I am so freaking tired of people making out in public, seriously WTF. Just because you are temporarily in love with some slut does not give you any right to dry hump in the library at the U. Now i understand when a married couple (or engaged, or even serious couple) gives a long embrace or even makes out for a little, i get it. What i don't get is that i am sitting in the library minding my own business and a girl and what i assume to be her boyfriend start going at it like two stoned test bunnies on the table that i am studying at. Okay, they weren't going at it that bad, but bad enough that there was some hip thrusting and sucking noises being made. Listen if you are that horny take it into one of the bathrooms or at least down one of the book isles. Some may accuse and say that because i am currently single that i am jealous and were i to be in that position that i would do the same thing. Oh hell no. Contrary to common belief i actually care about other people and want to make them feel as comfortable as possible, not make them vomit by watching me go to town on some girl. There is a time and a place for everything, i believe that hip thrusting and making out should be kept behind closed doors, or at least on a couch in a basement. No one needs to see you doing that sort of shit, it is unacceptable and as of this moment i am going to start calling people out when they do it. I'm not going to be the guy that yells "get a room" instead i'm going to return the favor of awkwardness. I think a well timed "oh yeah, give it to her" or a "nice form" should get my message across pretty clearly. Anyway i think that's all i got for now. Phil this is my first blog and it is dedicated to you, in a good way of course.